Pesky growth experiences

One of my favorite artists is Brian Andreas (www.storypeople.com). I have two of his sculptures and two prints. The first sculpture I got has this story: "I finally got to exactly where I wanted to be, she said, so why won't all these growth experiences go away and leave me alone?" Yes, indeed!

When will I learn? Will I ever learn? I spent the better part of a day doing some collages for notecards. I offered some of my art work for a silent auction fundraiser for the agency where I work. All I got for my efforts was a huge mess. Nothing was going together right, things were crooked, and I finally threw in the towel. I am donating, instead, a handmade paper piece I did years ago---something that I like, something that has some quality to it.

The growth experience, the lesson in all this, is something that slaps me in the face with some regularity. If I try to force something, if I try to create something that is not authentically "me," the process is a struggle and unending frustration. The end result is something that I am far from happy with. The end result is something I want to throw in the trash.

When I look at what I attempted the other day and compare those results (and the entire experience) with other work I've done, the differences are obvious to me. And when I compare the creative experiences, one is of frustration while the other is one of excitement and pleasure.

I suppose what it comes down to is this: I can't do, and be happy with, what is not genuinely "me."