from my the house across the street

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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Aspiring to be........

Who am I and why am I here? I have heard or read those two questions several times in the last week or so. When I encounter the same thing from multiple sources, it seems clear to me that I am meant to pay attention!
So I asked myself those questions, which led to asking more questions, which led to more questions..........I can easily become filled with self-doubts and negativity. I question my creativity and I an artist or am I just a wannabe? If there is an artist in me, wouldn't I be spending more of my time making art than just thinking about it?

I can't imagine my life without the desire to create.....I would feel like I was settling for only a piece of life if I didn't think in snapshots and collages and colors. Maybe being an artist is more about a way of thinking and seeing---and finding expression for those thoughts and visions---than it it about having a finished piece of work that I feel is worthy of sharing and showing.

The drive and desire to "make something" has always been with me. I used to spend hours, even as a very young child, looking through art and craft books and magazines. I remember the feelings of frustration and helplessness at wanting to "make that," but not having the adult assistance or materials to create whatever had caught my interest and imagination.

The drive and desire to create is still with me; it is a drive to engage in process, to express myself in a way that is uniquely "me." I'm not sure that there is a concrete answer to the questions, "who am I and why am I here?" Perhaps the answer lies in engaging in the process of creative self-expression. Maybe engaging in that process is the answer.


Blogger firstborn studio said...

you ARE an artist..every inch and fiber of you screams it!!!
you are fabulous and i can't wait to see you again soon!
love u,

6:22 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

your writing reminds me of me and also of something my little darling said to me just this week-"mom! do you have to get up every morning and craft? i think there is something wrong with you!"
frankly, i know that there would be something seriously wrong with me if i did not do what i do. it keeps me going, keeps me thinking, wondering- do i think i am an artist? nah-not in the true sense of the word. i think i have creative mind and the ability to question and throw things on a piece of paper in an artsy way...a lovely chat for another day. becky

2:19 PM  

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