Changes
I noticed Thursday, as I was leaving work, that a shift had occurred while I was in a closed building all day. It's the change others might not even notice, that says summer is coming to an end. It doesn't matter if it's 100+ degrees on that day.............I can see and feel it in spite of the temperature. Suddenly the light looks different, it feels different, the air takes on a different quality and feels different on my skin. I'm not just hearing the cicadas at night and early in the morning, but in the middle of the day as well. I notice a difference in the shadows.
A couple of months ago my window was either completely shaded by the overhanging tree branches, or it would be drenched with sunlight. There was not much in-between. And now, at mid-day, sun and shadow dance on the blinds.
A sadness comes over me when I step out into air and light that are suddenly so different. The sadness is about summer being over, the coming of short days and long nights, and cold gray landscapes. An emptiness, or loneliness, comes over me when the light and air suddenly change. I believe some of this sadness is a leftover thing from childhood: the loss of summer meant the beginning of school, feeling confined, and the need to fill my brain with a lot of things I cared nothing about.
Am I the same person who, not so very long ago, whined about the misery of summer? The endless days of oppressive heat and humidity? In spite of my intense dislike of summer, I am sad when it comes to an end. Let me be clear about this: it's not summer itself that I have a problem with. There is much about summer that is to be celebrated: long long days; life being at a bit of a slower pace; Friday evenings in the park listening to live blues; the amazing bounty of backyard gardens; fresh sweetcorn that falls right off the cob into my mouth; ice cold watermelon; queen anne's lace, chicory, and black-eyed susan's along highways and country roads.
My body does not do well in heat and humidity. I lose energy. I feel physically and emotionally oppressed by the weight of endless days of hot, muggy air. A short time in the heat of August will leave me reeling with nausea and dizziness. It was that way when I was a child, and it seems to be even more so as I get older.
Cooler days, the sharpness of a brilliant blue sky, and cool crisp nights, all energize and invigorate me. As others are dreading the cold and bitterness of coming winter, I'm celebrating the sun on my cheeks that become rosy with the falling temperatures. I dread cold drizzle that so often comes in fall, but I willingly accept it because of the many days of blazing colors against the sky.
I find many things to celebrate in all seasons, but mourn the passing only of summer.........even in spite of knowing that we could still have three-digit heat yet to come.