This is the Only Time I Have..........

I struggle, sometimes, with time. Too much of it, not enough of it, deciding what to do with it. I frequently become almost immobilized when it comes to deciding how to use my time. That doesn't mean that I don't have things I want to do.....not by any means. What often happens is that I have many things that I want and need to do, but I know I can't do everything. I get caught up in trying to decide, weighing the pro's and con's of each option. In the process, I lose time, and find that I don't have enough of it to do what I finally decided I want to do!

Sometimes time is not the issue. Sometimes the issue is lack of motivation and passion. At those times, it seems as if there is far too much time to try to fill. There is a sense of restlessness, almost boredom, as I search for something to light a spark of creativity, interest, maybe even passion.

At other times, I know exactly how I want to fill my time, but find that I have to get other things out of the way first. For instance, I would like to flank my entertainment center with shelves. My motivation to actually tackle the project, however, is interrupted by the knowledge of all the things I have to move out of the way first! Occasionally, I will clear the way for doing something, only to find that I've completely lost interest in the time it took to do the first step. This is a function of my attention deficit disorder. Even with medication, I find that I can maintain focus on something for short periods of time......even when it's something I'm highly motivated to do.

Today I want to do laundry and a few other household chores. I want to go spend some time in my office and run a couple of errands. I need to do some grocery shopping. I also need to be outdoors, moving snow so it will run downhill toward the alley as it melts, rather than running along the foundation of my house. I also need to go under the house and replace my furnace filter, and my front porch light needs to be changed. I also want some play time, making a collage or drawing.

Sometimes, like today, the solution lies in just deciding to start doing something rather than trying to prioritize. I have a feeling this will be an ADD day, bouncing from one activity to another, gradually throughout the day managing to finish most of what I start.

Maybe one of the reasons that "time" is on my mind, maybe one of the reasons I'm connecting with feelings of restlessness, is that I'm just tired of winter! I'm ready for warm weather, being able to spend seemingly endless time outdoors. I'm ready to dig in the dirt and plant things. I'm ready to fling open the windows and put away the winter coat and jacket. I'm ready for the sounds of birds and the sight of leaves budding out on the trees. I'm ready for something different from the cold and snow.

Because this is the only time I have, I will do my best today to make the most of it, whether I feel passionate and motivated or not!